-- sixteen.

mood: Mellow.
listening to: Nothing.
reading: Nothing
watching: The time. Almost time for school to end.
playing: Nothing
eating: Nothing, but I'm hungry. :c
drinking: I WANT MONSTER REALLY BAD REALLY REALLY REALLY BAD

- - - - - >

In first period this morning, my ugly side began frolicking about and screaming inside my head. She put horrible, frightening thoughts into my mind, and in doing so triggered high levels of my paranoia.
I didn't know what to do. Having here there with me again scared me. So I did what I do best: I wrote.

I wrote anything—anything at all.
I just snatched a pencil and flipped my notebook open to a random page, and... I'm not sure. For a minute or two, it felt as though I blacked out, but I was still awake. That doesn't make sense though, does it?
No.
Maybe it was that it felt like something else in my head—her, maybe—was controlling my hand, controlling what I wrote, controlling my state of mind, but not my mind entirely. When I was writing, it didn't feel like I was the one writing. I felt... robotic. But there was something there... There was... somebody there... with me. But I couldn't see it.
After I put my pencil down, I read what was there... and I couldn't remember writing any of it. It seemed foreign to me. It was a plethora of negativity, of things that just didn't make sense to me, but felt all too familiar to me. The voice that formed in my head when I read it sounded sad and innocent at first, but then I remembered who had been inside my head before I'd even gotten the notebook out, and I stopped empathizing.

That thing in my head isn't an innocent little girl, the way she always comes to me.
She's ugly.
She's mean.
She's horrible.
She hurts people. She hurts me.

I don't want to show anyone what she wrote, but... she needs to get out. She needs to leave. She needs to disappear.
And I have found that the only way to kick her out is to let her have her say, but to help her out the door when I do, without letting her control me... and I finally figured out how.


(I think only Tai will know what I mean by all this.)